6 Key Steps to Deeper Intimacy (For those Who Seek a More Passionate Relationship)

1. Know Thyself  

“Be in the World with Authentic Self-Hood.” (Charles Christiansen, OT) Get to know yourself better. Know who you are, what you stand for and what your likes and dislikes are.  How well do you know your own body? Do you know what feels good for you? Do you know how to give yourself pleasure and take care of your own needs?


2. Strive for Wellness. 

What feeds your Soul? Strive to be more aware of how healthfully you eat/drink/exercise and care for your body and soul. How do you manage stress? Getting regular exercise and getting your body moving is not only great for your heart but also helps to relieve stress and boost energy in everything you do! Participate in meaningful activities (to you) EVERYDAY.


3. Care for Your Relationship.

“Real intimacy depends on truth-lovingly told-especially in the bedroom” (Joyce Brothers) Work on achieving depth as a couple. Break free from negative patterns of communication by acknowledging them. Aim to give your partner the loving attention he or she deserves. Establish rituals together. Plan activities and set goals together both for the short and long term. Keep it exciting!


4. Carve Out Time.

Create the time and aim for quality (especially if you don’t have quantity!). Find a window, even if you have busy lives. Caring for the relationship requires time set aside for each other. The more you and your partner strive for sexual wellness both individually and together, the more you’ll want to carve out time every day for it.


5Seek to Achieve Balance 

The trickiest thing in life is balance, but when you come close to achieving it, you know because you feel happier! Strive to achieve balance between Work/Play/Self Care/Care Giving/Time for Self/Time for Relationship Building. When your time tips too far in one direction (too much time working for example) then simply become aware and balance it back out.


6. Have Sex Often!

Break Free from Routine and Mix Things Up! Don’t fall into the trap of same place, same way mentality! There are so many ways to experience pleasure and deepen intimacy together. Try adding sex toys for fun pleasure play and add lubrication for additional pleasure too.



For those interested in breaking free from routine and trying something newFor those interested in breaking free from routine and trying something new




Carving Out Time for Passion

Making time for intimacy with your loved one might require a little bit of planning. This might sound totally un-romantic, but without some planning, there may be far too many obstacles to connect on a regular basis. Tackling these obstacles to rediscover the passion that brought you together:

Obstacle 1: Finding a window.  When you have children or aging parents living in the house with you, it might be very hard to find a time when you aren’t needed for caregiving. Obviously, nighttime is great if you can plan to go to bed together at the same time. But, many times this isn’t possible. Also, many of us are drained at night after a busy day when our energy is at its lowest. If night-time isn’t ideal, the trick is to look for other opportunities.

  • Try: Sexing it up on odd hours. Does your partner ever work from home? Are there opportunities to plan time together during the day? What about on Saturday or Sunday? Or, early in the morning? (This can be an excellent way to wake up and a great way to start the day from a fitness perspective too!) When you begin to see anytime as a possible time to connect with your partner, windows will open up.

Obstacle 2: Achieving privacy. Though most adults respect a closed door, kids ‘forget’ to knock. Young kids learn knocking by repetitious reminding but it’s far too often that one walks in “Oops, sorry!”

  • Try: Getting a lock and using it! It really avoids unwanted situations.

Obstacle 3: Struggling with stress. We’re far too stressed out as a society as most of us lead very busy/full lives with multiple demands. Work, schedules, money, appointments, commitments, etc., there are so many things to handle in a day!

  • Try: Finding ways individually to manage stress so you can be your best self each day. Learn to meditate even if only for 5 minutes per day. Learn tai chi, yoga or just taking some time to yourself to be grounded. Eat healthfully and take care of your body by limiting harmful toxins. Try lighting scented candles to help set the mood or use warm massage oil to relax tired joints and muscles. Take the time to relax with your partner and let go of life stressors for passionate lovemaking.

Obstacle 4: Constant bickering. Sometimes it’s a vicious circle–the more you fight, the less you feel like having sex. Yet, the more you have sex, the less you fight!

  • Try: Letting the little things go. Try not to argue over things that really don’t matter. As described in Dana Adam Shapiro’s book  “You can be right (or you can be MARRIED)” Looking for love in the age of divorce, look for what your partner does right and tell him/her. Learn to listen better.

Obstacle 5: Same boring old place.
Try: Setting up an intimate, private space in your home (other than your bed/sleeping area). By changing where you are intimate, you might discover that the environment itself leads to heightened level of passion! Get away for a night. Being in a hotel room can be such a turn on. Throw a  new couples toy with some flavored organic lubrication in your suitcase and you might have trouble leaving the room!

Obstacle 6: Same old missionary style. Don’t fall into this trap! There are so many positions to try.

Prioritizing sex will have the benefit of wellness, fitness and connectedness to your partner… it’s worth carving out the time!