Obstacle 1: Finding a window. When you have children or aging parents living in the house with you, it might be very hard to find a time when you aren’t needed for caregiving. Obviously, nighttime is great if you can plan to go to bed together at the same time. But, many times this isn’t possible. Also, many of us are drained at night after a busy day when our energy is at its lowest. If night-time isn’t ideal, the trick is to look for other opportunities.
- Try: Sexing it up on odd hours. Does your partner ever work from home? Are there opportunities to plan time together during the day? What about on Saturday or Sunday? Or, early in the morning? (This can be an excellent way to wake up and a great way to start the day from a fitness perspective too!) When you begin to see anytime as a possible time to connect with your partner, windows will open up.
Obstacle 2: Achieving privacy. Though most adults respect a closed door, kids ‘forget’ to knock. Young kids learn knocking by repetitious reminding but it’s far too often that one walks in “Oops, sorry!”
- Try: Getting a lock and using it! It really avoids unwanted situations.
Obstacle 3: Struggling with stress. We’re far too stressed out as a society as most of us lead very busy/full lives with multiple demands. Work, schedules, money, appointments, commitments, etc., there are so many things to handle in a day!
- Try: Finding ways individually to manage stress so you can be your best self each day. Learn to meditate even if only for 5 minutes per day. Learn tai chi, yoga or just taking some time to yourself to be grounded. Eat healthfully and take care of your body by limiting harmful toxins. Try lighting scented candles to help set the mood or use warm massage oil to relax tired joints and muscles. Take the time to relax with your partner and let go of life stressors for passionate lovemaking.
Obstacle 4: Constant bickering. Sometimes it’s a vicious circle–the more you fight, the less you feel like having sex. Yet, the more you have sex, the less you fight!
- Try: Letting the little things go. Try not to argue over things that really don’t matter. As described in Dana Adam Shapiro’s book “You can be right (or you can be MARRIED)” Looking for love in the age of divorce, look for what your partner does right and tell him/her. Learn to listen better.
Obstacle 5: Same boring old place.
Try: Setting up an intimate, private space in your home (other than your bed/sleeping area). By changing where you are intimate, you might discover that the environment itself leads to heightened level of passion! Get away for a night. Being in a hotel room can be such a turn on. Throw a new couples toy with some flavored organic lubrication in your suitcase and you might have trouble leaving the room!
- Try: Check out A Little Bit Kinky–A couples guide to rediscovering the thrill of Sex by Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez. This book will definitely help you rediscover the thrill and find your passion! Take the time to find out what turns your partner on and try it, experiment a little. There are a million ways to explore your sexuality together, what can be better than in a safe relationship with someone you love and trust.
Prioritizing sex will have the benefit of wellness, fitness and connectedness to your partner… it’s worth carving out the time!